Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
by EvilMicella
Summary: This is my own, one chapter version, of OotP. IT's just a funny way of seeing how my little head works. What more can I say? The title is practically the summary. A little R/Hr and H/G romance and rating to be safe!! PLZ R/R


Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  
  
A/N This is my own, funny version of the 5th Harry Potter book. It'll only be one chapter, and it'll be humor. You may be saying, then this ISN'T a funny version on the 5th book. Just read it and you'll see..my version of OotP.You know, a funny thing of what I thought the book would be about..hopefully not, but yeah, lol. Well, the summary is mostly about the title, lol, PLZ READ AND REVIEW!!  
  
~*~*~  
  
Harry was sitting on his bed looking at the Daily Profet, which he suscribed for a few weeks ago. It wasn't much different from the muggle newspaper because it had the same stories about the same things almost. The pictures were moving, and some accidents of some enchanted objects, which Harry was sure Mr. Weasley was handling, were news, and that was some of the different things. As Harry turned the page, his eyes wondered to an add from a shop he never heard of. It said:  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ * * MARRI AND MAPLES FANTASTICS * * Are you in need of a loyal pet? The most beautiful one you can think of? Look no *more, my friend, for you have found the right add. This magnificent European Phoenix *was just reborn from its ashes, and in excellent health. Only 50 gallons for this *uncommonly found creature. Even order from owl if you have no time to come down! *There is only one left, so hurry up and get it! * ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A Phoenix? They're one of the best pets anyone could ever have, and Harry wanted one since he saw Fawkes! The best part was, he had enough money for it. Just then, the phone rang. Luckily, the Dursleys were out, which really surprised Harry that they didn't leave him with Mrs. Figgs. Harry rushed downstairs and picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello?" he said, and a loud voice replied.  
  
"HARRY, IS THAT YOU??" it said, and as soon as the person said Harry, he knew it was Ron.  
  
"Yeah, Ron," Harry said, shaking his head to get himself to hear again.  
  
"I DECIDED THAT SENDING YOU AN OWL AT THIS MOMENT MIGHT NOT BE QUICK ENOUGH," Ron yelled over the phone again.  
  
"What is it?" Harry asked, "and you don't need to yell, Ron. Remember last time?"  
  
"No, not really, but ok," Ron said. "Oh, if my voice sounds fuzzy, it's just the phone. I barely saved it from dad jinxing it with his wand." Just then, Harry heard a large crash on the other phone line. The crashing kept going on until 5 minutes later.  
  
"Ron? What was that?" Harry asked as soon as everything was quiet.  
  
"Oh, nothing," he replied, a little out of breath. "I just fell down the whole flight of stairs." Harry started to laugh uncontrollably, and he heard some other voices from Ron's side of the phone.  
  
"What the heck happened?" it was Ginny.  
  
"Oh, nothing, just fell down the stairs, is all," Ron replied. "Sorry about that, Harry. Ok, about why I called..did you look in the Daily Profet?"  
  
"About the Phoenix?" Harry asked. He heard Ron hit his foot and tripped on the stairs.  
  
"Yeah, that," Ron said, his voice with a little pain. "You should buy it."  
  
"I'm thinking about it," Harry replied. "I mean, I have enough money, and I've always wanted one. Maybe I should get Hermione's opinion on this." Ron growled.  
  
"Then you'll have to wait until she gets back from Bulgaria," he said, tripping again.  
  
"She actually went?" Harry said, shocked.  
  
"I don't know," Ron said, sitting down on his bed; the only safe place for him.  
  
"Maybe she isn't," Harry said, and he heard a sound like something breaking. Ron's bed collapsed on him.  
  
"We could three-way her," Ron suggested, rubbing his back. "What day is it?" Harry checked the calender and smircked.  
  
"Friday the 13th," he said. (A/N when I wrote this, it WAS Friday the 13th). "All the bad luck is on you, and not me!" Harry laughed at that until Ron coughed.  
  
"I'll just call her now," he said, and Harry heard a click. He waited until the phone started ringing.  
  
"Ron? You still there?" Harry whispered.  
  
"No, I'm winning a 1,000,000 gallons in the clumsy awards," Ron said sarcasticly. Just then, the phone was answered.  
  
"Hello?" it was surely Hermione.  
  
"WAZZZZZUPPPPPP," Ron said, like those one guys in those commercials.  
  
"UUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP," Harry finished, yet again like those commercials.  
  
"Who is this?" the girl said, only, they were sure it wasn't Hermione as they did at first.  
  
"Is this Hermione?" Ron asked nervously.  
  
"No, this is Cho Chang," Cho replied.  
  
"Oh, my bad," Ron said, trying not to laugh, and Harry was standing there, frozen. "Guess we got the wrong number, sorry. Oh, and my friend Harry wants to go out with--" Before he could finish, Harry inturrupted.  
  
"HANG THE PHONE UP, DUNDERHEAD!" he whispered madly and frightenly. When Ron didn't, Harry hung his up. A few minutes later, the phone rang, and Harry slowly answered it.  
  
"Don't worry, Harry, she said ok," Ron laughed.  
  
"What do you mean she said ok?" Harry asked, confused.  
  
"I asked her out for you," Ron replied. Harry was horrified.  
  
"WHAT??? I DON'T LIKE HER ANYMORE, I LIKE SOMEONE ELSE!" Harry practically yelled.  
  
"And who is that?" Ron asked.  
  
"YOU BLOODY KNOW WHO!" Harry yelled yet again.  
  
"Hermione????!!!" Ron said with a big gulp.  
  
"What? No!" Harry replied. "She's practically my sister. Speaking of sisters.."  
  
"YOU LIKE GINNY?" Ron yelled this time.  
  
"Yeah," Harry said bravely, and Ron was breathing angerly.  
  
"YOU..YOU--" Ron started, but Ginny took the phone.  
  
"You really do, Harry?" she asked happily.  
  
"Sure do," Harry said, smiling. Ginny let out a yell of joy, and Harry heard Ron start speaking, as if he was far away from the phone.  
  
"IF YOU HURT HER IN ANY WAY, POTTER, I'M GOING TO HURT *YOU*!!" Ron yelled. "IF YOU BREAK HER HEART, I BREAK YOUR JAW!"  
  
"Um, you can just ignore that," Ginny said, pushing Ron out of the room, and, again, he fell down the stairs.  
  
"Well, will you go out with me, Ginny?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yeah! Of course I will," Ginny said, smiling uncontrollably. "So, what were you guys talking about until Ron started yelling about your death?" Harry explained about the Daily Profet add, and the Cho-Chang-Incident.  
  
"We were just going to call Hermione and ask for her opinion," he finished.  
  
"I can do that," Ginny said, and there was another click, then ringing.  
  
"You have the right phone number, right?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure," she replied, and the phone was answered.  
  
"Hello?" the voice said; It wasn't Hermione.  
  
"Is Hermione there?" Ginny asked politely.  
  
"No, I'm sorry," the voice said (Hermione's mother, most likely). "She's visiting Bulgaria, and won't be back until next week. Would you like me to give you the number?"  
  
"Yes please," Ginny said, and wrote it down. When they hung up with Mrs. Granger, Ginny sighed.  
  
"We better not tell Ron," she said, and there was a click sound.  
  
"Better not tell me what?" Ron asked, and Ginny almost screamed in surprise. "Oh, I'm on the phone downstairs, if you're wondering."  
  
"Oh..well, we weren't saying anything about you, if that's what you thought!" she said a little too quickly.  
  
"What? Tell me or..or I'll get Fred and George into this!" Ron threatened. He was going to get them to play role of big protective brother, and this could get scary.  
  
"Fine!" Ginny gave in. "Hermione's in Bulgaria with Krum until next week. Happy now??"  
  
"No, not really," Ron choked out.  
  
"Don't worry, Ron, we have his number and we're going to call for Hermione," Harry said reassuringly.  
  
"CALL!" Ron said orderingly (A/N is that a word? Well, it is now). Ginny dialed the number and the phone was answered. Someone answered in Bulgarian, and they were positive it was Krum.  
  
"Uh, yes, is Hermione Granger there?" Ginny asked nervously.  
  
"Yeah, um, just a minute," he said. "Herm-own-ninny, you haff a call!" They heard some footsteps, and then Hermione came on.  
  
"Hello?" she answered.  
  
"Hermione, it's me, Ginny!" Ginny said.  
  
"And Harry!" Harry also said.  
  
"Don't forget Ro--" Ron started to say, but Harry said shh.  
  
"Hey, guys," Hermione said. "What's up?"  
  
"ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH--" Ron started to say, but Harry loudly interrupted as if he was the one saying it.  
  
"The..uh..the light on? It's quiet helpful.." Harry said, sounding stupid.  
  
"No.." Hermione said slowly. "Thjanks for the helpful hint, though, Harry.."  
  
"Ok, well, the reason we called is to ask for your opinion on something," Harry said. "In the Daily Profet, there's an add for a Phoenix for sale. Should I get it?"  
  
"Well, how much is it?" Hermione asked.  
  
"50 Gallons," they all answered.  
  
"If you want to, go ahead," Hermione said. "Just don't spend all your money on something, that's all."  
  
"K, thanks," Harry said. Just then, an idea popped in his head; he was going to get Ron back for asking Cho out for him. "Oh, and do you have a boyfriend?"  
  
"No..why?" Hermione asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well, will you go out with Ro--" but before Harry could finish, Ron cut in, acting like Harry.  
  
"Never mind, we got to go, bye," he said, and the phone hung up.  
  
"YOU LITTLE--" Ron started through the other line.  
  
"Ron! You did the same thing to Harry," Ginny warned him, and he kept his mouth shut. They heard him mutter, 'I was going to asked her out later' and then everything was quiet.  
  
"Well, thanks guys," Harry said, breaking the silence. "I better go and put out an order before anyone else sees it. It's early in the morning. Bye, see you guys September 1st." and they hung up. Harry put out an order, and dropped 50 gallons in the envelope and sent it off with Hedwig.  
  
The next day, a huge Phoenix flew in his window with a letter saying it was the one he had ordered. It was as beautiful as they said it was, and Harry named it Snigget. He had finally ordered a phoenix. Weeks flew by and came September 1st. He wasn't able to stay at the Weasley's because of all the Voldemort-being-loose-run-for-your-lives-ahhh subject, so his uncle and aunt had to take him. They didn't ask where he got the phoenix, just dropped him off. After entering the barrier, Harry looked around for any site of Ron, Hermione or Ginny. Finally, he saw them, standing in a group talking. What made Harry smile was the fact that Ron and Hermione were holding hands. He walked up to them, and Ginny gave him a hug.  
  
"I see you got the phoenix," Hermione said, smiling.  
  
"Yup," Harry replied, smiling back. Not many kids have one, he bet. They all went on the train to find a seat. As Harry seated himself in a compartment, he just remembered something.  
  
"I STILL HAVE TO GIRLFRIENDS!" He screamed, and the train left. . . . .  
  
~*~*~  
  
A/N When I said Ron fell down the stairs, I almost fell off my chair right after I said it. I kinda left the plot, though, huh? Well, for all who probably got confused by this, the whole Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix story was that Harry actually ordered a Phoenix. That's all. Well, PLZ REVIEW, and, since this is only one chapter (unless you want me to make it longer), THANKS FOR REVIEWING AHEAD OF TIME! 


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